If you are old enough to remember that Janet Jackson song, “What Have You Done for Me Lately?, you probably recall the 1980s and the whole “me” generation outlook on life. Turning to others for recognition, validation, and a sense of who we are in the world is a very dangerous path to follow. As we look outwards for support and identity instead of looking inwards, we become completely reliant on others for our sense of self-worth and self-identity.
As I talk about in my book, “The Law of Sobriety,” we can develop a cohort of like-minded people who constantly reinforce our feelings about ourselves. If we are healthy and like ourselves for who we are internally, we will be surrounded by people who also are strong, self-motivated, positive, and supportive of our efforts. If we are unhealthy, have addictions, experience low self-esteem, and low feelings of self-worth, we are also surrounded by people who support our addiction, enable, put us down, and treat us any way that they want.
To get out of this negative and hostile environment, we first have to change the way that we think about ourselves. If we don’t, we may get away from the current bad influences only to end up in another crowd that will keep dragging us back to that old negative thought pattern.
To change our negative self-image and self-talk, we have to start small and keep building our skills and developing a positive internal message. To do this:
- Get up every morning, look in the mirror, and tell yourself one thing that you are proud of yourself for doing. This could be as simple as getting up without hitting the snooze or choosing to go for a walk with the dog instead of watching TV after dinner last night.
- Identify one person not in your current crowd who you admire and go and introduce yourself. Make a point of saying “hi” and staying in touch with this person in the future.
- Reconnect with someone in your life who you value and who you know valued you for who you are.
By introducing positive people and positive messages in your world, you can do something for yourself that will help you achieve the changes you want to make in your life.
Sherry Gaba, LCSW, a psychotherapist and life, love, and recovery coach, is featured on Celebrity Rehab on VH1. Sherry is the author of The Law of Sobriety, which uses the Law of Attraction to help people recover from addiction. She is also a contributor to Chicken Soup for the Soul: Tough Times, Tough People and Conscious Entrepreneurs, and to several e-books: Empowerment Manual: Finding Purpose With Intention, Filling the Empty Heart: 5 Keys to Transforming Love Addiction. The e-books Relapse Prevention and Eliminate Limiting Beliefs can be downloaded free of charge at www.sherrygaba.com. Contact Sherry for webinars, teleseminars, coaching packages, and speaking engagements.
